I think I died a long time ago.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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