oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
