I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
