I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
