My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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