That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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