dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
