There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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