Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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