I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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