I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Randomize
