Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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