Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
should my penis look like a turkey
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
