if i can run in heels then i can drive
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
