We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
