his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Come see our sink grown plant.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
