when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
