You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
