the new term for farting is butt boxing.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
