I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I am one with the molecules
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
