Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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