Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
