I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
