Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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