i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
