I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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