last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
