I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
