Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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