Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
