He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My penis needs a shock collar
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
