Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
