I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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