Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
