Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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