My hand turned me down
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
