you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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