i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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