maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
