If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
