i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
