I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
