At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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