be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
