My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
