this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
there is puke in my bra ... again
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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