"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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