She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
