either way he was missing a nipple.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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