Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
