I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
