i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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