what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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