That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Help. Why am I so naked?
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