I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
