brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
